I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
