I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
