if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
