She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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