So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
