After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
