how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
