Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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