Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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