Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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