Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
