He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
