ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
