I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
