I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
