1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
