i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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