Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
