I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
