i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
