a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
