just come out here and I will go home with you...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
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Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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