This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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