Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
