This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
