You're completely useless in the revolution.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
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Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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