The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
