hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
