So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
