Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
