i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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