Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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