I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he shaved USA in his pubs
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
