And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
