walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
