I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
now i know why i became what i already was.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
