the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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