did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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