Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
