Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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