I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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