Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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