ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
