Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
