Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
