honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
