If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize