Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize