Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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