I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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