can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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