So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
