plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
