Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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