Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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