that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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