Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i think i have herpe
just one?
there was a trapeze. enough said
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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