The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
